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To become a better person. Again.

Posted on October 31st, 2012

After a conversation yesterday and watching ‘Bloody Sunday’ this evening, I’ve been prompted to meditate on this thought again.  For those who haven’t seen ‘Bloody Sunday’, it’s about the events around the deaths of 13 people in Derry, Northern Ireland in 1972.  The discomfort I felt whilst watching it (and not for the first time) made me want to make a difference, to help the world become a safer, happier place.  But yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who has just returned from visiting Auschwitz, who said that when people were stating that visiting the death camp made them want to be ‘be a better person’ he responded with scepticism  (to put it mildly).  I could really relate to both sides of that – when I visited Auschwitz two years ago I wasn’t upset as I was expecting to be, but rather determined that I didn’t want it to happen again.  I left feeling positive, that I could make a change and help the world heal and become more peaceful.  And in response to my friend’s doubts about the longevity of such a desire, I’m sad to say that I think I have failed.

As some of you will remember, I am an RE teacher as well as a singer.  People are invariably shocked when they find out that my faith is such a deep part of me as it is because I am (in their words) ‘normal’.  I’m not entirely sure how to feel about that, but it must mean that people feel they can be honest with me and talk about things which they perhaps wouldn’t discuss in front of a ‘typical’ Christian.  I’m cringing as I write this!!!  But my experience is that people will come and confide in me things which they then feel embarrassed about when they learn of my faith – and this is the best way I can describe what I mean.

I often think that I want people to know that I am a Christian by the way that I act, not by the things that I say.  Slowly I think I’m getting better at portraying myself in the way that I would like to, and I am happy enough to ask God for help with this and depend on Him.  And I think that in many ways I do help – the education I help to provide, the support I give and the guidance I can offer as a teacher as well as the peace and serenity that I try to create with the music that I sing as all ways I can measure my progress in this.  But it all seems so futile, sometimes.

This evening the wind was blowing so hard and the rain was falling so heavily that I was genuinely concerned about the future of this world that we live in.  If we in the south-west of England are feeling the effects of Hurricane Sandy’s fury then I can scarcely imagine the fear being experienced by those who are being touched directly.  We take so much for granted, and I am especially guilty of clinging onto security in whatever form it appears.  A part of me loves the idea of physical security being taken away from us so that we can become closer and closer to the pure love of God, but the larger part of me remains terrified.

I know I’ve said it before, but what if suffering exists only to give us the desire and opportunity to do good things?  Is it enough to continue with life as it is, offering each other the little kindnesses that make us smile on a daily basis and comfort us when we need to be comforted?  Or should we leave our lives and follow Jesus as he called his disciples to do?  If we were to all do that, I’m not sure how long we’d last because to do so is to rely on those who have not left everything behind to follow God.  So surely God means each of us to serve in our own way?

This makes a lot of sense to me, but then the question remains: how do you become the best person you can be in your current position?  ‘Love thy neighbour’ is the simplest commandment to understand but perhaps the hardest to follow.

And the answer to these thoughts which keeps coming back to my mind is so simple:

Stay with me, remain here with me, watch and pray.

Stay with Me

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The Miracle of Everyday Life

Posted on October 4th, 2012

Well, today was an interesting day!  I’ve got the standard ‘teacher-in-new-job’ cold and am feeling rather ropey to say the least!  But today has been one of those days to be truly thankful, for the most unexpected of reasons!  Always the best kind 🙂

So I was lucky enough to only have 3 lessons today, all at the start of the day.  Thankfully, I asked if I could leave school after teaching my lessons to have time to rest and recover from this cold.  So I happily left and walked to my car, which I saw had a flat tyre.  Not something I’ve had to deal with yet in my 8 years of driving and owning cars.  So I made it to a petrol station nearby to put air in the tyre with the hope that I’d be able to make it to a proper garage and buy a replacement tyre.  The plan was simple but effective!

Except that there was a slight hiccough – the tyre was so flat that it wouldn’t accept any air from the pump.  No problem, I think – I’ll call the breakdown people as I’ve never changed a tyre before.  Another teensy problem – I’ve forgotten to renew my breakdown cover!  Oh dear!  Things looking less good by the minute.  I spoke to a couple of breakdown people and  found it that my mistake was going to cost me over £100.  Less good had turned decidedly to ‘bad’!

So the next step was to phone the lovely Nick who’d let me leave school early and who is an all-round helpful dude!  He was due to teach a lesson so couldn’t help me, but he suggested that I ask around the garage to see if anyone could help me change the tyre.  “You do have a spare?”  he asked.  I was quiet.  “I have no idea!” I responded.  Now feeling totally idiotic for being so neglectful of my car maintenance duties!!

So I went into the petrol station and asked if anyone could help me.  To my absolute delight, the manager said yes!  So he came out to the car and discovered that I didn’t have a spare tyre!  Argh!  Just as the panic was setting in and I was beginning to berate myself for being useless, when he told me that my car came with a puncture repair kit.  Well!  Forget your bike-puncture-putting-in-water nonsense!  This stuff was AMAZING and even I can do what it needs to fix a tyre now I’ve seen it done!  Hurrah!

So, having bought the manager of the petrol station a nice bottle of wine in thanks, I started on my way to the garage to find a new tyre.  With many a prayer that I’d make it there in one piece, I drove the 15 minutes and arrived at a tyre place, only to be ushered immediately into the bay for tyre replacement.  In less than 10 minutes I had a new tyre and was safely on my way home, thanking God for the grace I had been shown today!  This had been a long series of misfortunes, many of which hadn’t been helped by my own silliness!  And yet I felt like I was looked after at every turn!

There’s a saying that keeps coming back to me by Dante Gabriel Rossetti: ‘the worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful, and has nobody to thank.’  I don’t want to judge people for believing or not believing in God – as far as I’m concerned their path is their own to follow and isn’t mine to judge.  But I was so grateful to see the hand of God in today, keeping me safe and shining through the hearts of those who helped me.  And grateful that I had God to thank!

Time to share the chorus of one of the songs I’ve written with you:

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