Some thoughts on prayer
Posted on February 9th, 2017
Since Christmas a church group I’m part of has been thinking about ‘the prayer of our lives’, which is a theme for the whole of 2017, and we’ve had some discussions about a range of topics linked to prayer. I’ve found these discussions interesting on many levels, as is often the way when people share their experiences of faith. To me, every word and feeling inside me is a prayer, whether I’m aware of them or not. I’ve been in situations where I’ve had a thought, or articulated some thoughts in my head, and then felt the desire to pray those thoughts but felt really silly. In those moments, to direct those thoughts and prayers to God would be like making a ca
ke in front of someone and then explaining what I’ve just been doing, which wouldn’t just be pointless but it would also be patronising to the observer! For me, to think of a prayer to then say aloud or silently to God is like saying the same thing twice, because God knows every prayer in our hearts.
On any given day we need different interactions and stimuli in every dimension of our lives, and I think prayer is the same. For some people, praying for the same things together is important, whereas for others a prayer can made by painting or sculpting. One of the saddest things I’ve found amongst religious people is the way some people find it hard to understand the prayers of others. For example, in the Orthodox tradition, icons are used for prayer. “The most literal translation of the word Greek: εικονογραφία (eikonographia) is “image writing,” leading many English-speaking Orthodox Christians to insist that icons are not “painted” but rather “written.” From there, further explanations are given that icons are to be understood in a manner similar to Holy Scripture—that is, they are not simply artistic compositions but rather are witnesses to the truth the way Scripture is. Far from being imaginative creations of the iconographer, they are more like scribal copies of the Bible.” However, there is a debate over whether icons break the 2nd Commandment given by God to Moses, and there is confusion amongst the use of icons in worship and the implications for belief in one God.
It may be naïve, but I have always had the view that if something helps someone feel close to God then it is not for me to judge them. What someone does is between them and God, and it’s not my business to decide how good or bad it is. I suppose that’s why I like studying other religions, because I love seeing the devotion people show for God. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable to see someone worship their God using their language or actions, but it rather makes me more determined to understand my own relationship with God.
Prayer is a tricky thing to understand, and I think that it is more often than not a tool for humans to use to feel closer to God than for any other purpose. Prayers are often a chance for us to develop ourselves, our characters and our futures. If someone chose to pray for an elderly and unwell neighbour rather than for their own happiness, that prayer has provided them the chance to become more selfless; if someone prays for their own happiness it can be a ste
p towards developing love and care for themselves, an often neglected and stigmatised concern. To pray at all gives us the opportunity to show God that we are open to receiving whatever peace, happiness or love God is willing to impart. And for me, prayer is often the opportunity to realise that nothing I can say to God is really worth saying. There have been times I’ve sat quietly to pray or gone to a chapel to spend time in prayer and found myself at a total loss of what to do or say. I often find this a difficult thing to know how to cope with, but then I remember Jesus’s words: “And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” (Matthew 6:7-8)
I suppose that is why I sing, and why I feel closer to God when I sing than at any other time, because all I have to do is open my heart to receive whatever love and peace God will bless me with. And as St. Augustine said, “To sing is to pray twice.”
I’d like to share a chant with you. It’s by a Jewish group called Temple and is the words Moses prayed to God when his sister was very ill: “אל נא רפא נא לה, el na, refa na la — please, God, heal her.” There is something I love about listening to Jewish music, knowing that it is the tradition Jesus lived in, and this prayer is so simple and beautiful. But the true beauty here for me is the repetition that chanting includes. It’s why I love Taizé chants so much; you don’t have to think of a prayer, you can turn your thoughts off and just open yourself up to singing your prayer to God.
Leave a commentTo become a better person. Again.
Posted on October 31st, 2012
After a conversation yesterday and watching ‘Bloody Sunday’ this evening, I’ve been prompted to meditate on this thought again. For those who haven’t seen ‘Bloody Sunday’, it’s about the events around the deaths of 13 people in Derry, Northern Ireland in 1972. The discomfort I felt whilst watching it (and not for the first time) made me want to make a difference, to help the world become a safer, happier place. But yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who has just returned from visiting Auschwitz, who said that when people were stating that visiting the death camp made them want to be ‘be a better person’ he responded with scepticism (to put it mildly). I could really relate to both sides of that – when I visited Auschwitz two years ago I wasn’t upset as I was expecting to be, but rather determined that I didn’t want it to happen again. I left feeling positive, that I could make a change and help the world heal and become more peaceful. And in response to my friend’s doubts about the longevity of such a desire, I’m sad to say that I think I have failed.
As some of you will remember, I am an RE teacher as well as a singer. People are invariably shocked when they find out that my faith is such a deep part of me as it is because I am (in their words) ‘normal’. I’m not entirely sure how to feel about that, but it must mean that people feel they can be honest with me and talk about things which they perhaps wouldn’t discuss in front of a ‘typical’ Christian. I’m cringing as I write this!!! But my experience is that people will come and confide in me things which they then feel embarrassed about when they learn of my faith – and this is the best way I can describe what I mean.
I often think that I want people to know that I am a Christian by the way that I act, not by the things that I say. Slowly I think I’m getting better at portraying myself in the way that I would like to, and I am happy enough to ask God for help with this and depend on Him. And I think that in many ways I do help – the education I help to provide, the support I give and the guidance I can offer as a teacher as well as the peace and serenity that I try to create with the music that I sing as all ways I can measure my progress in this. But it all seems so futile, sometimes.
This evening the wind was blowing so hard and the rain was falling so heavily that I was genuinely concerned about the future of this world that we live in. If we in the south-west of England are feeling the effects of Hurricane Sandy’s fury then I can scarcely imagine the fear being experienced by those who are being touched directly. We take so much for granted, and I am especially guilty of clinging onto security in whatever form it appears. A part of me loves the idea of physical security being taken away from us so that we can become closer and closer to the pure love of God, but the larger part of me remains terrified.
I know I’ve said it before, but what if suffering exists only to give us the desire and opportunity to do good things? Is it enough to continue with life as it is, offering each other the little kindnesses that make us smile on a daily basis and comfort us when we need to be comforted? Or should we leave our lives and follow Jesus as he called his disciples to do? If we were to all do that, I’m not sure how long we’d last because to do so is to rely on those who have not left everything behind to follow God. So surely God means each of us to serve in our own way?
This makes a lot of sense to me, but then the question remains: how do you become the best person you can be in your current position? ‘Love thy neighbour’ is the simplest commandment to understand but perhaps the hardest to follow.
And the answer to these thoughts which keeps coming back to my mind is so simple:
Stay with me, remain here with me, watch and pray.
Leave a commentThe Miracle of Everyday Life
Posted on October 4th, 2012
Well, today was an interesting day! I’ve got the standard ‘teacher-in-new-job’ cold and am feeling rather ropey to say the least! But today has been one of those days to be truly thankful, for the most unexpected of reasons! Always the best kind 🙂
So I was lucky enough to only have 3 lessons today, all at the start of the day. Thankfully, I asked if I could leave school after teaching my lessons to have time to rest and recover from this cold. So I happily left and walked to my car, which I saw had a flat tyre. Not something I’ve had to deal with yet in my 8 years of driving and owning cars. So I made it to a petrol station nearby to put air in the tyre with the hope that I’d be able to make it to a proper garage and buy a replacement tyre. The plan was simple but effective!
Except that there was a slight hiccough – the tyre was so flat that it wouldn’t accept any air from the pump. No problem, I think – I’ll call the breakdown people as I’ve never changed a tyre before. Another teensy problem – I’ve forgotten to renew my breakdown cover! Oh dear! Things looking less good by the minute. I spoke to a couple of breakdown people and found it that my mistake was going to cost me over £100. Less good had turned decidedly to ‘bad’!
So the next step was to phone the lovely Nick who’d let me leave school early and who is an all-round helpful dude! He was due to teach a lesson so couldn’t help me, but he suggested that I ask around the garage to see if anyone could help me change the tyre. “You do have a spare?” he asked. I was quiet. “I have no idea!” I responded. Now feeling totally idiotic for being so neglectful of my car maintenance duties!!
So I went into the petrol station and asked if anyone could help me. To my absolute delight, the manager said yes! So he came out to the car and discovered that I didn’t have a spare tyre! Argh! Just as the panic was setting in and I was beginning to berate myself for being useless, when he told me that my car came with a puncture repair kit. Well! Forget your bike-puncture-putting-in-water nonsense! This stuff was AMAZING and even I can do what it needs to fix a tyre now I’ve seen it done! Hurrah!
So, having bought the manager of the petrol station a nice bottle of wine in thanks, I started on my way to the garage to find a new tyre. With many a prayer that I’d make it there in one piece, I drove the 15 minutes and arrived at a tyre place, only to be ushered immediately into the bay for tyre replacement. In less than 10 minutes I had a new tyre and was safely on my way home, thanking God for the grace I had been shown today! This had been a long series of misfortunes, many of which hadn’t been helped by my own silliness! And yet I felt like I was looked after at every turn!
There’s a saying that keeps coming back to me by Dante Gabriel Rossetti: ‘the worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful, and has nobody to thank.’ I don’t want to judge people for believing or not believing in God – as far as I’m concerned their path is their own to follow and isn’t mine to judge. But I was so grateful to see the hand of God in today, keeping me safe and shining through the hearts of those who helped me. And grateful that I had God to thank!
Time to share the chorus of one of the songs I’ve written with you:
El Camino de Santiago/The Way of St. James
Posted on September 16th, 2012
This morning I went to St. Peter and St. Paul in Muchelney (near Langport, Somerset) for the first time since the concert I gave there in March. I was asked back to sing at their team service, where all the churches in the parish worship together. It was an honour to be asked back and lovely to see so many familiar faces again!
The theme for the service was the Way of St. James, or El Camino de Santiago – the pilgrimage walked by thousands of people a year. Funnily enough, I’d had a conversation with someone on the bus to Taizé about the film called The Waywith Martin Sheen, which is about the road to Santiago, and when I’d got home I ordered the DVD as it wasn’t the first time I’d heard good things about the film.
But the film had just been sitting there, waiting to be watched, until I got a call from the priest at Muchelney asking me to sing and explaining that three of the parishioners had recently returned from walking the Way. The time had come to watch The Way, and it was well worth waiting for. If you haven’t seen it, do! It’s an incredibly beautiful and moving film.
Anyway, so the service today was about this pilgrimage (which I now want to do!). And I think it is the first church service I’ve been in for…years, if ever…that I have felt the power of God so tangibly. There were photographs shown from the pilgrimage undertaken by the three parishioners, who had travelled with a group from the Diocese. There were also stories and reflections, prayers and songs. I felt really moved to have been asked to sing many of the songs during the service.
The most poignant moment was undoubtedly during what would ordinarily have been the slot for Communion. However, rather than sharing the bread and wine, the congregation was called to lay down their burdens. At their entrance to the church this morning, each person was given a pebble or stone to hold, as is done when walking the road to Santiago. The stones are then placed symbolically at one point along the pilgrimage, and this was recreated during the service. This was where I sang several songs, and I felt so blessed to have been part of it. The lead-in to this was a reading from the Gospel according to St. Matthew:
‘Come to me, all you who labour and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Yes, my yoke is easy and my burden light.’ – Matthew 11:28-30
I then sang this song:
I can’t help but think about the significance behind this act of laying down burdens. I remembered a Good Friday service where the congregation was asked to come forward and lay a nail down at the foot of the cross, to reflect on the closeness of the crucifixion, and this stuck me as just as powerful as that experience had been.
We carry around so much unnecessary baggage and so often we ignore what we are holding onto – perhaps because someone we know is suffering and we consider their burden greater than ours, or perhaps because we find it difficult to face the difficulties we experience.
It was a great blessing to share in the experience of the pilgrims this morning. The question I am left with now is: will I walk? And the answer may well be yes!
Leave a commentThe Relationship between Trust and Forgiveness
Posted on August 17th, 2012
In discussing trust at Taizé, we found it very difficult not to digress and begin discussing forgiveness. A lot of the conversation centred around people trusting someone until that trust was betrayed, and then they would not trust them any more. One member of my discussion group was very emphatic about her belief that trust must be earned and when it is broken, it is our right to withhold trust in the future. We inevitably ended up talking about forgiveness as this seemed key to allowing trust to be created again.
There’s a section of the well known poem Desiderata which has fascinated me for a long time. I’ve put the whole poem below for those of you unfamiliar with it, but the line which particularly intrigues me is ‘as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people’. Take a moment to read the poem.
This idea of surrender is a really interesting one. I was once hurt by someone so deeply that I thought I would be angry forever. It took me several years to come to terms with my feelings and reaction, and I realised that I really hated this person. This didn’t sit particularly well with me – I don’t like the idea that I hate someone and it made me unhappy to know that despite my beliefs I was unable to work on this particular issue.
One of the reasons I found it so difficult to forgive this person was because I felt that if I forgave them it would condone their actions, it would mean that my pain was unjustified; but having realised that this was a problem I suddenly let it go. The person in question had very much moved on, so who was my hate hurting? Me, and God.
So I came back to this line again: ‘as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people’. I think there’s a really key point here, which came back to me during the discussion with my group in Taizé about forgiveness. One of the girls was adamant that forgiveness had to be earned and it could be withheld at each person’s discretion. When I quoted Matthew 21-22 (Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”) she reacted very strongly and said that this wasn’t practical. In many ways I agree with her, but perhaps our understanding of forgiveness needs to be expanded.
A question I find very important is about prisoners. If someone has been to prison to pay for a crime, shouldn’t we treat them the way we treat those who have never been to prison when they are released? Surely the point of prison is to repay society for the crime they have committed. If I go overdrawn on my bank account and am charged interest, that interest doesn’t carry on being charged once I’m back in credit! But human beings are so much more complicated. We find it so hard to forgive and so hard to trust, and the more I think about it, these two so often go hand in hand with each other.
To be a Christian is a hard job. We’re asked to love everyone (Matthew 22:36-40) and forgive everyone (Luke 6:37). We’re asked to let go of worldly possessions (Matthew 6:19-20) although the world around us is obsessed with ownership. We’re asked to trust God even though we can’t see God (Proverbs 3:5). My students often tell me that they think it’s impossible to love unconditionally, as Jesus taught. A part of me believes that they’re right, but that doesn’t mean that I give up trying. I watched some of the rowing during the Olympics and felt so impressed by the athletes who were clearly going to finish last but who carried on going anyway. Surely God sees us the same way – we may not manage to live up to the ideals set out in the teachings of Jesus, but we try our best and God is there rooting for us just as I was rooting for the rowers at the end of the race!
I know how hard it is to forgive, and I’m certainly not judging anyone for saying that they don’t want to forgive someone who’s hurt them. Everyone is different, and forgiveness can seem impossible. But without forgiveness, can there ever be trust? And without trust, can there ever be peace?
Bóg jest miłością, miejcie odwagę, żyć dla miłości; Bóg jest miłością, nie lękajcie się – God is forgiveness, dare to forgive and God will be with you; God is forgiveness, love and do not fear.
1 CommentTrust – Theme at Taizé 2012
Posted on August 16th, 2012
Brother Alois, the prior of Taizé, wrote his letter for 2012 under the title, ‘Towards a New Solidarity’ (http://www.taize.fr/IMG/pdf/120enletter.pdf) and the theme for the Bible study and discussion groups was trust. While the 17-24 year old groups spent a lot of the week playing trust games, the 25-35 year old groups cracked on with some fairly hefty conversations!
When I arrived in Taizé on the Sunday it was after a long journey. I’d been travelling for 19 hours and hadn’t slept, so I wasn’t in the best frame of mind for the inevitable queueing that constitutes the arrival at any place like Taizé! So, in tiredness I looked around at the big groups of happy, laughing people and felt very out of the loop. I suppose I felt quite insecure and out of place, as did many people. In fact, Brother Paolo, the British contact brother, welcomed us on the coach with ‘don’t worry about Sunday, it’s chaotic – tomorrow will feel better!’ and several other people said that they just wanted to get back on the bus and go home the same evening we arrived! Not ideal.
So when we had our first Bible introduction with Brother Matthew on the Monday morning, I had to laugh at the theme of the week – trust! I found myself thinking that the beginning of the week had demanded that I trust the community, trust the welcome teams, trust myself (especially with my tent erecting skills!) and trust God that all would be well. And it was so worth it!!!
My discussion group was a really diverse group of people, made up of one Polish, one Swedish, one Dutch, one other English, three German and one Spanish. As you can imagine we were all coming from different backgrounds and our discussions reflected this. I’ll write some reflections on these discussions over the next few blogs, but I thought I would start with an overview before getting started.
For now, have one of the chants we sang every day over the week. Truly beautiful! It means: ‘All life long, for the Lord I will sing; while I live, I will praise my God. My joy is in God.’
Leave a commentLove, love, love!
Posted on June 24th, 2012
Today I went to ‘Love Bath’ – a free festival organised by the churches of Bath for the community. It was a great chance to get to know people and to meet up with some people who I’d spoken to over the internet (mostly Facebook!). Hats off to Emma Gypps, everyone at Springboard Bath and the whole organisation team! I think everyone especially enjoyed the free hot dogs, bottles of water, hot drinks and ice cream!
It was interesting seeing so many Christians together just having fun and enjoying themselves. I was on bouncy castle duty for the afternoon, which was fun…I definitely got more assertive as time when on!
I just thought the name for the festival – Love Bath – was so great. Especially when the reading from the Old Testament this morning was altered so that instead of Zion or Jerusalem we had Bath and Aque Sulis! It was really powerful and got everyone involved.
After the festival today I came home and saw the latest video by Jefferson Bethke, whose video ‘Why I hate religion but love Jesus’ I’ve blogged about before. I didn’t watch all of it because it didn’t really grab me at the time, but there was a theme that came through for me from both what I saw of the video and also from the festival today. That theme is, of course, love.
How can we put love into practice? I was thinking about how much I’d like to move into Bath city and had a look at house prices. Sob! But why can’t I be satisfied where I am? I could give you lots of reasons but really…I have a roof over my head. What more do I need? Jesus says we don’t even need two shirts – share what you have with others. And yet most of the Christians I meet (and I include myself in this) have comfortable lives with plenty of material possessions. It doesn’t mean they’re all obsessed by their possessions (how could I ever make that judgement?!) but they have them. I have them. So how does this sit with the teachings of Jesus?
I’ve heard many people criticise the Vatican for the amount of wealth contained within it and I completely understand where they’re coming from. But are we any better? Where do we draw the line between what is needed and what is excessive? Who gets to make that decision? If we gave away everything we owned today we wouldn’t be able to function very well in the modern world of Great Britain. We couldn’t do our jobs properly if we didn’t have technology to communicate or complete work, for example. So what should we give up?
Perhaps our time, like Street Pastors. I’m very precious over time as I’m always busy and desperately try to create some downtime to just relax and read a book or watch TV. Perhaps we should give people the time and support that they need like organisations such as The Samaritans. I try to make myself available to talk to people about what’s happening in their lives as much as possible and think that this is something I’m not too bad at doing. Perhaps our money, as we’re encouraged to do by charities. I try to give away what I can but often worry about money.
If we are trying to show love to others, does it come down to these things – time, support and money? Is there more to it? How do we find that balance? And do we need to make sure that we show love to ourselves, too?
So many questions! I don’t know the answer but I would love to be better at showing love and living a life of love as we have been asked to do. Perhaps by opening ourselves up to receive our love we let that love flow through us and by surrendering and opening to the love of God, we become instruments for his love.
Leave a commentWhy are we afraid of who we are?
Posted on May 30th, 2012
I’ve been doing a lesson with some Year 8 student this week which involves thinking about how we appreciate ourselves. Every time they say that sending loving kindness to yourself is vain or selfish. It’s not a unique response to get to this topic but one that I find very intriguing.
I had a conversation with a student this afternoon about what I believe, and as much as I love talking about myself (!), it was still quite interesting to see how I responded to that. Obviously there are boundaries between teachers and students, and perhaps the juxtaposition between the way I present myself when teaching and the way I present myself during concerts, workshops, interviews etc. makes it an interesting discussion…but for whatever reason, it left me wondering – why are human beings afraid of who we are? If God loves us enough to suffer torture, ridicule and painful death for us – because he accepts us for who we are – why can’t we do the same?
Perhaps this is a religious practice for us – to begin to appreciate ourselves and other people in the way that God accepts us. An interesting thought!!
Leave a commentThe crazy life…
Posted on May 25th, 2012
Well, this has been one of the craziest weeks of my life!!! Just to give you an overview before I start:
Sunday – church in the morning, eye test, marking Year 8 books and writing reports (3-9)
Monday – up at 6, got ready for work, drove to work, arrived at 8, students in school until 3.30 then I worked until 6, drove home and had dinner then worked again 8-10.
Tuesday – up at 5.30, work, home at 6, people round for Taizé practice, work 9-10.
Wednesday – up at 6, work, finally finished marking and reports (hurray!) and preparing cards etc. for my tutor group who left this week then drove to Cheltenham to stay with a friend in preparation for…
Thursday – drove from Cheltenham to Solihull for a standardisation meeting (for GCSE exam marking), then drove to Sherborne to stay at a friend’s (arrived back at 8). Had a lovely curry!
Friday – at school by 7.50, very emotional day with saying goodbye to some really special people and then back home by 5 to collapse!!!!
It doesn’t sound so mad like that but it feels very mad!!
So here’s the perfect example of a time when it’s a good opportunity to practice focusing on God no matter what. I can’t say I’ve done that very well this week. There are so many ways to focus on God in the midst of work, and I think that the best way that I can do it is by trying to act with love towards people. ” Round we go again to the last blog entry,” I hear you all say!! Well, yes – I suppose it’s the theme for my life at the moment!! But the encouraging thing is that it must work at least some of the time, judging by the amount of jewellery I was given by my tutor group today and the cheer that went up when I was given a bottle of wine in their final assembly!!
So although I’m exhausted, emotionally drained, very sad to have said goodbye to so many lovely people and in need of some serious time out -life is still good. I’ve had the encouragement I needed to keep on going and to know that I’m exactly where God wants me to be, doing what I should be doing.
You can’t ask for much more than that!!!
Leave a commentWould anyone know if you were a Christian?
Posted on May 20th, 2012
Would anyone know if you were a Christian? This was the topic for today’s sermon in church. An interesting question! This was discussed because of the commandment ‘live in the world but not of the world’.
The vicar gave the example of an oyster. When a grain of sand gets into an oyster’s shell it causes an irritation, and the oyster will either make a pearl from the grain of sand or it will die because of it. I’m sure this is well-known. But it’s an interesting image – put ourselves in the place of the oyster and the world, or the trials we face, or anything you like in the place of the sand. The question is: will we take the opportunity to create something beautiful with the challenge or will we give up and let a part of us diminish?
This leads onto thinking of the question – would anyone know if you were a Christian? What identifies us as Christians other than a belief we have and trips to church, be they weekly, monthly or annually? I consider myself to be a liberal Christian, but I am also a walking paradox – while I am open-minded in my theology I am also traditional and see great beauty in the more orthodox paths. I’ve been reading a lot about Carmelite spirituality recently and am fighting the urge to go off and join the community!!
So somewhere in the midst of these extremes I have to work out what it is that I believe (a daily struggle sometimes!) and how I want to live my life as a Christian. Is it about treating others with kindness and making them feel value? Certainly! It is about loving God? Absolutely! Is it about being open to experience the Gifts of the Spirit? Of course! But only the first of these is identifiable the majority of the time, and not always successful in daily life. So what is it that makes us Christian and what are we called to do?
I don’t know the answer to the question – would anyone know if I was a Christian? I hope so! But perhaps a re-evaluation of this identity is something that is needed to keep me (and others) on my toes. I would like to think that my religious beliefs and the fact that I sing songs to celebrate the Lord are the last indicators of my faith. I would much rather that goodness and kindness are the key signals to others that I love God. I doubt that’s the case, but it’s definitely an aspiration to keep hold of!
Leave a comment