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The Relationship between Trust and Forgiveness

Posted on August 17th, 2012

In discussing trust at Taizé, we found it very difficult not to digress and begin discussing forgiveness.  A lot of the conversation centred around people trusting someone until that trust was betrayed, and then they would not trust them any more.  One member of my discussion group was very emphatic about her belief that trust must be earned and when it is broken, it is our right to withhold trust in the future.  We inevitably ended up talking about forgiveness as this seemed key to allowing trust to be created again.

There’s a section of the well known poem Desiderata which has fascinated me for a long time.  I’ve put the whole poem below for those of you unfamiliar with it, but the line which particularly intrigues me is ‘as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people’.  Take a moment to read the poem.

This idea of surrender is a really interesting one.  I was once hurt by someone so deeply that I thought I would be angry forever.  It took me several years to come to terms with my feelings and reaction, and I realised that I really hated this person.  This didn’t sit particularly well with me – I don’t like the idea that I hate someone and it made me unhappy to know that despite my beliefs I was unable to work on this particular issue.

One of the reasons I found it so difficult to forgive this person was because I felt that if I forgave them it would condone their actions, it would mean that my pain was unjustified; but having realised that this was a problem I suddenly let it go.  The person in question had very much moved on, so who was my hate hurting?  Me, and God.

So I came back to this line again: ‘as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people’.  I think there’s a really key point here, which came back to me during the discussion with my group in Taizé about forgiveness.  One of the girls was adamant that forgiveness had to be earned and it could be withheld at each person’s discretion.  When I quoted Matthew 21-22 (Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”) she reacted very strongly and said that this wasn’t practical.  In many ways I agree with her, but perhaps our understanding of forgiveness needs to be expanded.

A question I find very important is about prisoners.  If someone has been to prison to pay for a crime, shouldn’t we treat them the way we treat those who have never been to prison when they are released?  Surely the point of prison is to repay society for the crime they have committed.  If I go overdrawn on my bank account and am charged interest, that interest doesn’t carry on being charged once I’m back in credit!  But human beings are so much more complicated.  We find it so hard to forgive and so hard to trust, and the more I think about it, these two so often go hand in hand with each other.

To be a Christian is a hard job.  We’re asked to love everyone (Matthew 22:36-40) and forgive everyone (Luke 6:37).  We’re asked to let go of worldly possessions (Matthew 6:19-20) although the world around us is obsessed with ownership.  We’re asked to trust God even though we can’t see God (Proverbs 3:5).  My students often tell me that they think it’s impossible to love unconditionally, as Jesus taught.  A part of me believes that they’re right, but that doesn’t mean that I give up trying.  I watched some of the rowing during the Olympics and felt so impressed by the athletes who were clearly going to finish last but who carried on going anyway.  Surely God sees us the same way – we may not manage to live up to the ideals set out in the teachings of Jesus, but we try our best and God is there rooting for us just as I was rooting for the rowers at the end of the race!

I know how hard it is to forgive, and I’m certainly not judging anyone for saying that they don’t want to forgive someone who’s hurt them.  Everyone is different, and forgiveness can seem impossible.  But without forgiveness, can there ever be trust?  And without trust, can there ever be peace?

Bóg jest miłością, miejcie odwagę, żyć dla miłości; Bóg jest miłością, nie lękajcie się – God is forgiveness, dare to forgive and God will be with you; God is forgiveness, love and do not fear.

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Love, love, love!

Posted on June 24th, 2012

Today I went to ‘Love Bath’ – a free festival organised by the churches of Bath for the community.  It was a great chance to get to know people and to meet up with some people who I’d spoken to over the internet (mostly Facebook!).  Hats off to Emma Gypps, everyone at Springboard Bath and the whole organisation team!  I think everyone especially enjoyed the free hot dogs, bottles of water, hot drinks and ice cream!

It was interesting seeing so many Christians together just having fun and enjoying themselves.  I was on bouncy castle duty for the afternoon, which was fun…I definitely got more assertive as time when on!

I just thought the name for the festival – Love Bath – was so great.  Especially when the reading from the Old Testament this morning was altered so that instead of Zion or Jerusalem we had Bath and Aque Sulis!  It was really powerful and got everyone involved.

After the festival today I came home and saw the latest video by Jefferson Bethke, whose video ‘Why I hate religion but love Jesus’ I’ve blogged about before.  I didn’t watch all of it because it didn’t really grab me at the time, but there was a theme that came through for me from both what I saw of the video and also from the festival today.  That theme is, of course, love.

How can we put love into practice?  I was thinking about how much I’d like to move into Bath city and had a look at house prices.  Sob!  But why can’t I be satisfied where I am?  I could give you lots of reasons but really…I have a roof over my head.  What more do I need?  Jesus says we don’t even need two shirts – share what you have with others.  And yet most of the Christians I meet (and I include myself in this) have comfortable lives with plenty of material possessions.  It doesn’t mean they’re all obsessed by their possessions (how could I ever make that judgement?!) but they have them.  I have them.  So how does this sit with the teachings of Jesus?

I’ve heard many people criticise the Vatican for the amount of wealth contained within it and I completely understand where they’re coming from.  But are we any better?  Where do we draw the line between what is needed and what is excessive?  Who gets to make that decision?  If we gave away everything we owned today we wouldn’t be able to function very well in the modern world of Great Britain.  We couldn’t do our jobs properly if we didn’t have technology to communicate or complete work, for example.  So what should we give up?

Perhaps our time, like Street Pastors.  I’m very precious over time as I’m always busy and desperately try to create some downtime to just relax and read a book or watch TV.  Perhaps we should give people the time and support that they need like organisations such as The Samaritans.  I try to make myself available to talk to people about what’s happening in their lives as much as possible and think that this is something I’m not too bad at doing.  Perhaps our money, as we’re encouraged to do by charities.  I try to give away what I can but often worry about money.

If we are trying to show love to others, does it come down to these things – time, support and money?  Is there more to it?  How do we find that balance?  And do we need to make sure that we show love to ourselves, too?

So many questions!  I don’t know the answer but I would love to be better at showing love and living a life of love as we have been asked to do.  Perhaps by opening ourselves up to receive our love we let that love flow through us and by surrendering and opening to the love of God, we become instruments for his love.

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The Feast of the Annunciation

Posted on March 25th, 2012

Today is the day in the calendars of most denominations of Christianity that the Annunciation of the Lord is celebrated.  If you’ve not come across this feast day before, this  Troparion (or hymn) from the Orthodox tradition will explain its significance:

Today is the beginning of our salvation,
And the revelation of the eternal mystery!
The Son of God becomes the Son of the Virgin
As Gabriel announces the coming of Grace.
Together with him let us cry to the Theotokos:
“Rejoice, O Full of Grace, the Lord is with you!”

The messages and lessons held within this event are extensive.  With this one event, found in both Matthew and Luke, we are taught that God has a plan for each of us, that God’s angels are His messengers on Earth, that God is willing to take birth and incarnate for the salvation of all, that Mary submitted to the will of God regardless of the cost to herself and that all things are possible to God.

The Angel Gabriel, speaking to Mary about God’s plans for her, and her acceptance of those plans is an incredible thing.  Thinking about this reminded me of Mother Teresa.  It is impossible to deny that Mother Teresa aimed to put the Gospel into practice throughout her life, and she is internationally revered for this.  But she wrote to a friend of hers, Rev. Michael van der Peet, in 1979 about the absence of God in her life.  In an article on this, Time Magazine said, ‘That absence seems to have started at almost precisely the time she began tending the poor and dying in Calcutta, and — except for a five-week break in 1959 — never abated. Although perpetually cheery in public, the Teresa of the letters lived in a state of deep and abiding spiritual pain.’

(Read the article here: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1655720,00.html#ixzz1q9SiAYqx)

There seems to be something familiar in this: Mary accepted the role of mother to God incarnate and thereafter was left almost entirely alone (on the surface, anyway!), and Mother Teresa took up her calling to help the poor of Calcutta and was then left bereft of the presence of God we might assume she felt.

The article linked above gives an incredible insight into the suffering Mother Teresa underwent during her lifetime.  Is that the same suffering that Mary underwent, particularly during her pregnancy?  And most importantly, is it that suffering which we all feel sometimes, regardless of our faith or background?  Is the role of Mary and the Annunciation to encourage us to believe even when we feel like we’ve lost all faith?  As Martin Luther King Jr. said, ‘Only when it’s dark enough can you see the stars’.  Can we learn to rejoice in our doubt as we rejoice in our faith?  Surely the despair of a believer who’s lost their faith is testament to unshakable certainty that God is there, holding them in His arms and keeping them safe.

If Mary had not taken the leap of faith to carry the Son of God, we may not have known Him.  If Mother Teresa had not kept on working to help and heal the poor, we would have lost an icon for Christian goodness and kindness.  If we shy away from what we feel God is calling us to do, what will be lose?

This is the message that the Annunciation is bringing me this year – that God is there for us whether we recognise it or not.  And if we can just learn to become His instrument, we can be everything that He made us to be.

This beautiful song is my offering to you on this blessed day.  May you meet with God today and feel His arms around you.

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